As I write tears fall down my face at how much I am loosing my mental capacity and drive to get things done. I am slowly loosing my will to sit in front of a computer all day and fake smile on Zoom. I am sitting in my dorm waiting for my mom to hear back from our bank about her loan application so that we'll have money to move my things and for me to fly back home. She has been out of work for four months now, I guess there isnt much need for a housekeeper during COVID. If they deny her loan, I do not know what I will do. As im writing this post the guys across the hall are getting ready to go to a party happening at an offcampus frat location
I am just so confused and it seems like we receive bits and pieces of information and that the university is hiding from us. I told myself I was coming to school because neither of my parents graduated HS, being that theyre both immigrants. Well, now I am starting to believe that I cannot finish college either. This is so hurtful because my parents sent me back to campus to risk my safety because they wanted to be sure I had access to internet, study space, and a good meal/clean water in case we couldnt afford to pay bills at home. Ever since I got here I cry every night because I miss my family and feel so unsafe on campus but I knew that being here was better.
I dont mean to seem like I'm some lost soul, because Im not. I just need a break and I need to be able to receive advise from my family, academic advisor, and financial aid. I was supposed to be doing a work study but it has been so hard to find one, me or none of my friends have been able to find one thus far. I am praying every student and family affected by this and I hope other first years are not having such a bad first experience at Carolina like me.